in 1904.

 

Now I see through a windshield darkly.

 

A friend of mine says God talks to him.  Dead people too.  Ever since he was a kid.  As you might imagine, not everyone believes him.  Consequently, my friend has had something of a tough time with life.  More downs than ups, you could say.

 

There is a psychological theory that people get neurotic from not being seen or heard.  That their feelings (or inner reality or suffering or misfortune) did not get acknowledged by the authorities in their lives.  So, because we are such contrary creatures, they continue to seek out even more situations in which authorities will not listen or notice.  Who dismiss them.  "Don't be ridiculous."  "You're blowing it all out of proportion."  "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill."  Even, "You're nuts." Or, "Get over it."

Like the woman who marries alcoholic after alcoholic and can't figure out how they all end up like her father.  Her father who drank and never listened or acknowledged her.  That kind of pattern.  She may even perpetrate the not-listening and blindness onto her own children.  As my friend G. says, "Hurt People Hurt."

And yes, sadly, sometimes even when people do get someone to listen, it can be too little too late or not enough.  You ask my friend Jeffrey.  He's a pro bono lawyer in a city known for its crazy people.  His clients are pros at sabotaging their own cases.  "You're not fighting hard enough for me, Jeffrey," says the client who's being threatened with eviction for Health Code violations.  Again.  "Because you didn't show up to court again," says Jeffrey.  "Because you're a clutterer.  Because you managed to fill your 200-dollar-a-month-rent-control-unsubdivided-three-bedroom-plus-maids'-quarters-Riverside-Drive-apartment half-way to the ceiling with garbage and trash.  Again."

Which of course is not to say it always happens.  Some people enjoy being married to alcoholics.  There are plenty of well-adjusted psychics and clairvoyants.  Some kids don't need much attention.  Some people are born confident, the negative stuff just rolls off their backs.  And it's not always too late.  And not everyone is a clutterer.

But in the spirit of the holiday season, if for whatever reason you ever felt no one ever believed you or listened to you or understood or paid attention, then let me tell you something: whatever it is, your experience is very real and it is very important.  Even if you don't believe me, I promise you, life is about being seen and being heard.  So if no one else does, please know that I am trying to.  I am trying to hear what you're saying.

I am really trying to see what you mean.